


Damaged Hope

by Katniss2000



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Suicide Squad (2016)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Depression, Dubious Consent, Eventual Romance, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-29 05:19:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8476885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katniss2000/pseuds/Katniss2000
Summary: The depressive girl Hope gets to know the Joker at Arkham Asylum...





	1. Prologue

Hope was sitting at a table in the dining room of Arkham Asylum. Even here she was alone and nobody wanted to sit with her, she thought frustrated. At most of the other tables people were talking loudly. From time to time the guards had to interfere and had to force squabblers apart. Mopish she poked at what was called “food” here with her fork. The “food” was a mushy stodge, more or less tasteless. She sighed quietly.

The door of the dining room flew open. Hope was grossed out by the food she had started to eat. Only now she realized that the noises around her had silenced, just one or two crazies were still babbling. Carefully she looked up. The other resident patients had widened eyes because of fear and astonishment.   
The door closed behind the Joker and he ambled towards the food distribution. It seemed as if time stood still, nearly none of the patients dared to breathe. The Joker paused at one of the tables, bend down slowly to a guy and said amusedly: “You look like you saw a ghost.”

The Joker continued his way, took a tray and got his food, the patients slowly came back to life. Hope also wanted to proceed, but then she noticed the green haired guy was coming towards her table. He put down his tray and giggled: “You don’t mind if I sit here do you, Sweetie? No, of course not…” He pat her head and sat down next to her. Of course she got the shit end of the stick! She looked up to him irritatedly. Did he just touch her?! “You look nervous. Is it the scars? Do you wanna know where I got them? …”  
Worn down by the stay at the clinic, Hope didn’t have any nerves to listen to his stories and interrupted him harshly: “Nobody wants to hear your stupid, made-up stories!” Then she realized what she had just done.

The Joker started laughing like crazy. His laughter echoed through the room. “Sweetie”, he died of laughter “Don’t you know who I am? Of course you do. And you know what? I like your spirit!” He stood up and pointed at her with a sweeping gesture: “That girl’s more dauntless than all the criminals here together!”


	2. The Brawl

As the Joker sat down again, he bend over to Hope conspiratorially and whispered: “What’s your name sweet girl?” Hope didn’t have any interest in talking to the clown at all and tried to ignore him. That was more difficult than she had expected it to be, because he kept on poking her with his fork. Pissed off she whipped the fork out of his hand and snapped at him: “Don’t you get it?! I don’t wanna talk to you!” The fork dropped to the floor, made a clanking noise and the Joker giggled: “Why so serious?” Hope skid away from him. He followed her and tried his best to look sore. Sulking like a little kid he said reproachfully: “You’re rude. I just wanna have a little fun with you.” “Do I look like I’m up to it? Just leave me alone!”

They ate silently. After a few minutes the Joker pushed his plate over to her. He had made a smiley of the food and poked her gently: “No tiny smile for me?” He pouted. Hope sighed and grinned excessively. “Hm… I’ll make you laugh! Just wait!”, the clown promised and it kind of sounded like a threat. The girl got up from the table and left.

When Hope was brought back into her room, she reflectively lied on the bed. Many questions were in her head: Why had the Joker been so nice to her? Why didn’t he choke her, because she had been this gruff? Why was he even allowed to eat with the others? He was one of Gotham’s most dangerous criminals after all! Thinking made her tired and she fell asleep.

The next morning Hope got herself a table far away from the other resident patients to avoid another encounter with the Joker. Her hopes were destroyed when he entered the dining hall, looked around and waved at her. “Good morniiing!”, he shouted and sat next to her. “Do you feel like telling me your name today, sweetie?” “My name is Hope”, the girl gave in. “And why are you here, little Hope?” She realized how tense she was, needed to get away as quickly as possible. No way she would tell the clown about her problems! But of course he had already noticed the way she was feeling about the situation. He had noticed that her eyes had slightly widened in shock and how strained she was. He came closer to her, raised his hand to stroke her cheek and looked deep into her eyes: “We are all damaged somehow, so you don’t need to be ashamed.”

In this moment Hope felt closer to him than to anyone ever before. Dr. Quinzel had won her trust in the past four weeks, but Hope still hadn’t dared to talk about her problems with her. She did not want to cry, not in front of everyone and especially not in front of the Joker, but her tears mercilessly broke through. The Joker still hadn’t put his hand down: He seemed quite fascinated by her reaction. The silent tears were relieving, Hope didn’t know when she had cried the last time. She painfully realized that he had manipulated her with this sentence. Ashamed she turned away from him.

He laughed. The Joker laughed at her. She cried and he laughed. She turned towards him. Dumbfounded she looked at him with tear-stained eyes. Then her fist flew right into his face. He dropped to the floor but kept laughing. Angrily she jumped up and hit him again. His laughter just wouldn’t stop! Why was he provoking her like this?! His nose cracked. A small stream of blood ran down his face. She didn’t even notice the guards running over to her.  
The Joker took her hands and held them tight. “Let go of me, you psycho!”, Hope called out. He grinned at her naughtily: “Only if you stop eh… poking me, Sweetie.” After she had unsuccessfully tried to free herself, she nodded and he let go of her: “If you would get off me…” The guards got back to their places, as the two sat down again.  
“Why did you do that?”, Hope hissed. “Just admit that it was relieving!”, he smiled at her benevolently, got up and left a puzzled girl behind.


	3. Fear

Hope was sitting in one of the therapy rooms waiting for Dr. Quinzel. She had planned to open up to her finally. A man in a white coat entered the room. “Who are you? Where is Dr. Quinzel?”, the girl asked confused. “Dr. Quinzel had a little… ‘accident’ with one of her patients. She’s in hospital. I’m taking her patients until she returns.”, they shook hands “My name is Dr. Crane. Sadly I didn’t have time to read through your files. Would you tell me something about you? Why are you here?” Hope knew that the Joker was one of Dr. Quinzel’s patients too. At the end of one session, she had told her that she would become his therapist and what an honor it was. It must have been him. Who else? The girl tried to say confidently: “I would like to wait until Dr. Quinzel is available.” The Doctor opened her file and read a few lines. “I don’t think that you will be able to wait after a suicide attempt.”

As she entered the dining hall at noon, the Joker was already there. Today he seemed to be in an excellent mood. He pointed at the seat next to him. Hope was angry as hell. “It was you! What did you do to her?! What did you do to Dr. Quinzel, you sick fuck?!”, she shouted at him. She hit him. Her hand started to hurt from the force of it, but the Joker barely showed any reaction. After her attack yesterday, he had probably already expected this kind of reaction. “Sweetie, I thought you had figured out yesterday that this kind of behavior won’t do you any good.” Take a deep breath, Hope said to herself, he was right.  
She fell onto the chair next to his and stared at him. “If you would be so kind to eh answer my question, Sweetie, I might answer yours.” He grinned. Hope shook her head. “Your decision”, he giggled. He knew exactly that he would get an answer sooner or later. “Why does Harleeeeen’s little accident make you feel so low?”, he tried to sound bored, but he failed “Her substitute was quite eh… lovely, wasn’t he?” He laughed like crazy. Hope grinned. Dr. Quinzel had been lovely. Obliging, empathetic, attentive, more like a friend than a psychiatrist. Dr. Crane was vile. This session had been enough to judge that. He frightened her and she didn’t really get why. Maybe it was his straightforward way, maybe it was because she just couldn’t assess what he would do next. Actually she had thought, she had just about told him enough about her issues, but seemingly he hadn’t been satisfied. After the session he had ordered the guard to search her room. She had to stand back, watch him find her diary and bring it to the doctor. Only when she thought of this vile doctor reading her most intimate thoughts and hopes, she felt sick. Weren’t psychiatrists supposed to win a patients trust instead of invading their privacy? “Ahh, you actually can smile!”, the Joker grinned smugly. 

The Joker met Hope again two days later at lunch. It was as if she was another person. Shaking and sunk down she sat on her chair and looked like she would start crying hysterically any second. “What happened to you?”, he asked almost worried and looked down on her. “Scarecrow”, she whispered close to tears. Her voice was nothing more than a quiet screech. She seemed broken. Her morale, which had entertained him so much was gone. “So that is Cranes fear toxin”, he thought by himself. Yesterday the doctor had tried it on him – to his bitter disappointment and to the Jokers amusement it didn’t have any effect on him.  
A bump got him back to reality. Hope had fallen off her chair. Her body started to shake panicky. The dumb guards didn’t seem to realize what was happening or they simply didn’t care. He sat on the floor next to her and pulled her body towards him. Carefully he stroked her hair, she held onto him as if she was drowning. “Scarecrow… Scarecrow”, she whispered and stared at him with her eyes widened in fear. He sighed. “One day, I’m going to make you laugh again and if the only thing that would make you laugh is Cranes slit corpse…” The image made him laugh.

At some time she calmed down. Hope was fully conscious again and had escaped her world of fear. It was embarrassing: She was laying in the Joker’s arms on the floor, his shirt was wet from her tears. She tried to play it cool, got up and ate her cold food. “Are you not going to say thank you?”, the clown hissed and looked at her angrily. “Thank you”, she said and tried to not look him in the eyes. He got up and whispered: “Don’t lose hope!” Puzzled she watched him leave. How could she not lose hope? Or did he mean for her to not lose herself in fear?


	4. An unexpected visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hopes background story is revealed

Hope laid on her bed, she just couldn’t sleep. Scarecrow still haunted her inside her head. Doctor Crane had sprayed some kind of gas in her face during her second session, after he had put on a mask resembling a scarecrow. Afterwards she had gone crazy from fear. Over and over again he had confronted her with some unpleasant things he had found in her diary. At some point, after what had felt like hours, but might only have been some minutes, she passed out.

After waking up she was brought to lunch. Joker’s reaction to her breakdown seemed impossible to explain. Why was he being nice to her? Why did he not plan to kill her in some cruel way after she hit him as he would’ve done it with anyone else? Why did he even take care of her in his own way? She had rather expected a psychopathic murderer to just leave her in pain.

The girl tossed and turned in her bed. In the corner of her room she spotted a figure. She shivered. Was the figure real or was it just in her imagination? Was it just an aftereffect of the gas? She pulled the sheets over her head and decided to ignore it.  
Then she heard someone giggle softly. Hope slowly pulled away the blanket and recognized the Joker. He looked like a ghost in the darkened room, which was only lightened a little by moonlight. “Scared?”, he laughed quietly. “No!”, Hope said and her voice actually did sound resolute. “Well, that looked quite differently a moment ago…”, he teased her. “I’m not scared of you. Even if you just happen to be in my room in the middle of night”, she grinned “How did you get in here?” “Well I uh… walked in”, Joker made a movement with his fingers, that was meant to be him walking and giggled. Hope rolled her eyes on him. “Did you think a few corrupt guards would keep me in check? And I’m not the only one, your beloved Scarecrow…”, Joker did not finish his sentence, but looked at his fingernails as if they were the most interesting thing right now.  
Hope jumped out of her bed, “What do you know about him?” “I know enough”, he looked out of the window “How about a little trip together? Let’s say in two days? If you’re not too busy…” He grinned conspiratorially and turned to the door. “No! Stay! Stay until I got answers to all my questions!”, Hope as well as the Joker, was surprised by the determinateness in her voice. He looked at her in a puzzled way, but then said in an intrigued way: “Only… if you answer mine too.”

She sighed and got back into bed. The clown sat next to her: “I wanna make this clear beforehand: I ain’t forcing you to talk to me. I’m not a monster.” “I am here, because I tried to kill myself.” Silence. “That’s it?”, he laughed. Hope clearly was annoyed by his reaction, but kept silent. He got closer to her and took her hand, “Why did you try to kill yourself?” Hope’s first impulse was to pull her hand away and slap him, to get him out of her room and alarm the guards. But something kept her from doing it.  
Thoughtfully she looked down on her hands. The Joker followed her eyes. Softly he caressed the scars on her arms. He put her hands onto his own face, onto his scars. She started grinning, “What if I told you two stories? You can choose which one you’ll believe.” He grinned too, “Smart giiirl”. Almost eagerly he watched her.

“’t was like this: My boyfriend and I had a fight. About our future. For hours and hours we shouted at each other and at some point…” He interrupted her, “Try harder! You’re not the type of girl, who’d kill herself over some guy.” She looked up nervously. Was it this easy to read her character? Could he see when she was lying to him about anything? Hope tried to cover up how nervous she was by laughing.  
“My parents have always been different than others, less loving, more distanced. One night, I caught my dad trying to get away secretly. I figured, I had only ever been a try to fix their broken relationship. But it obviously hadn’t worked. I tried to make him stay the entire night. We unintentionally woke up my mom. They started shouting at each other and as he finally left the house, my mother blamed me for it. So I started hurting myself and after another fight with my mom, I did it. She found me just in time. And she wasn’t even sorry that she made me do it. I think she is very happy that I’m gone.”

She dared not to look into his eyes. It felt like he’d be able to see the truth, if she did. “But maybe it was very different. Maybe it was more like this…”, she paused for effect “I have always been a very lonely person. I never belonged anywhere. I’m always the outsider, ignored, despised by everyone.” She almost spit out the words. She felt angry. But she did not want to reveal the truth by emotion. “Actually I’m fine on my own. I don’t need false friends. But then they started to make fun of me, to humiliate me.” Their eyes met and Joker could see the fire, the anger inside of her. In this moment, she was strong again, nothing reminded of the poor broken girl, who had cried in his arms on the very same day. She fascinated him and made his stay at Arkham a lot more fun. He hoped, she would come with him in two days.


	5. J to the rescue?

Hope sighed. She had finally opened up to him and it felt good. Opened up to him of all people! Insecurely she glanced at him. She could not see any emotion written in his face. What did she expect? He’s still the Joker! And yet, he took care of her. But she didn’t want to believe he would get her out of Arkham Asylum. Seemed too good to be true. Why would he? Because she was in trouble and he wanted to help her? No, he was not a good man, he must have some other reasons or maybe none at all.

The Joker interrupted her train of thought, “Well… the incident with our dear Dr. Quinzel…”, he smiled in a cruel way “She actually believed, she had gained my trust, was able to understand me, would be able to cure me, help me. She was quite confident really”, he laughed loudly “Almost obsessed with me! Maybe even a little in love… I must admit – I am flattered, but I just had to set that right…”  
While hearing him speak in this careless manner of her therapist, Hope automatically flinched and clenched her fists. She disliked the way he talked about Dr. Quinzel. “What. Did. You. Do.” The clown grinned at her like a cheeky boy, “We uh… had a little electrified session, if you understand…” He winked at her. “Little Harley has a temper – almost like you! She did fight like a tiger – but in the end it didn’t get her anything but a broken rib and injured pride… Don’t look at me like that, it doesn’t suit you. You can’t change it anymore.”  
Hope sighed again, only more frustrated. She was not able to do something. Even if she had been there, she wouldn’t have been able to stop the Joker from doing anything he really liked to do. She would have liked to talk to Dr. Quinzel, to a real doctor, who didn’t torture the fuck out of her. As if Joker had read her mind, he made an offer and it almost sounded friendly. “If you’re not happy with Jonathan, I’ll offer my services as a shrink.” He smiled with amusement.  
A crazy murderer as her psychiatrist? A few weeks ago that would’ve seemed like a really bad idea, but now, that her actual doctor tortured her, it sounded quite nice. Hope nodded. “Well well, you may call me Mr. J. Would the day after tomorrow suit you for our next session?” The girl nodded again, but looked a little insecure. But Mr. J did not care and disappeared.

Two days later they met again during breakfast. Today, Hope would have her next “therapy” session with Dr. Crane. She was scared. Scared was actually an understatement. How would she survive this torture again? Would it be a good idea to talk to Mr. J about it? Maybe he’d get her out? But, he didn’t seem like someone who’d like it, if she showed weakness.  
Then it was time, they came to get her to the therapy room. Hope just stayed, pretending not to notice the guard. “Come on, girl”, the guard said. “No. I don’t want to.” He laughed. That asshole laughed at her! Quicker than he could’ve said sorry, her fist swung into his face. Unfortunately another guard pulled her away from him to the therapy room, before she could seriously harm him. Hysterically Hope tried to free herself, hitting everything in her reach. She’d like to be literally anywhere else right not. But she failed.

Hope had managed to hide a knife from the guards. After the officially so called “therapy session” she sat on her bed very disturbed. She looked at the shining silver blade still under the influence of the gas. There was shadows and scary figures everywhere. Everything hurt.  
She needed something real, something that was really there and not just some trick of her own mind. She needed to feel herself again. She needed to find the path back to reality, but she was far off the road, trapped in the wilderness of her own head. If Mr. J found her like this, he surely would leave her here… Or what if he had no intention of coming? What if he was only playing with her like some toy? What if it had only ever been false hope? She had not been this desperate for a long time now. It had been this kind of desperation that had brought her here into this hopeless situation in which she was being used for some sick experiments by a man who was supposed to cure her, help her feel better. Should she do it? What would Crane do to her if she did? It didn’t matter to her anymore. Nothing mattered. She didn’t have a choice. Something deep down inside of her forced her to put the fine blade onto her pale skin. What if she bled out? It didn’t matter. She had nothing to live for anyways. Encouraged by her thoughts she cut herself, first only a little bit, then the cuts got deeper and deeper. It felt good. Incredibly good! Yes, there she was, she was alive and all the figures were not! She continued cutting. Blood run out of her veins. Wounds came into being. Ugly and gaping. But it just didn’t matter to her, it felt too good, a relief of her pain. The blood run over her arm, drops fell onto the sheets coloring them in a beautiful and warm red.

 

Hope cut more slowly now, the euphoria she had felt was fading, she felt strangely weak and realized what she had just done. In this instant the door to her room was swung open and she saw a man. Was it Doctor Crane? Was it Mr. J coming to save her?


	6. The escape

Weakened she closed her eyes for a moment, the man was gone. Had he been real? Was she supposed to cry for help? No. Never. Her fear of whatever Crane would do to her, as soon as he would find out about this, was far too big. In the end she would only have made things worse! She’d rather bleed out here alone than to find out, what other things he could and would do to her. She had lived alone and she would die alone… Hysterically she started crying. Hot tears ran down her cheeks and clouded her sight. It seemed as if the door had been opened again, but she couldn’t see. Someone grabbed her roughly. She started hitting everything around her in panic.

“Stop that right now! I don’t have time for this bullshit!”, Mr. J hissed and stared at her with an purely evil look. Hope stopped. “You came?”, she asked for the obvious. He looked down at himself, “Seems like I did.” Then he grinned and Hope noticed the first aid kit in his hand. She had not been seeing things: It had been him and he had only left to get the first aid kit. He was her hero!  
The heard shots coming from the corridors. Joker cursed, “You couldn’t have had a better timing for trying to kill yourself!” He took a look at her gaping wounds and said, he’d need to stitch her up again. He rummaged around in the bag. Quickly he got out needle, stitches and bandages. “Hold still!”, he commanded and started his work. One could see that it wasn’t the first time he stitched someone up. His moves were a steady routine and Hope felt relieved. Mr. J had saved her.

The door swung open again and a man with the mask of a clown limped inside, obviously he had been shot. “You needa hurry, boss! One of them damn doctors called the police – Batman’ll be here soon!” Then he saw the girl. He looked from one to the other confusedly. Mr. J finished his work and just threw her over his shoulder, pulled out a gun and shot the guy. Hope screeched. Why did he do that? Then he left the room as if nothing had ever happened.  
There was an ugly view outside: on the floor there were some bodies – dead and dying, most of them were guards of the Asylum, but there were also some clowns. With fast steps Mr. J walked past them and carried Hope without difficulty. One of the dying guards put a hand on his wound and directly looked at Hope. The girl could see the life in him fading away, a horrible sight. How could the Joker do such things to people? She wanted to get away from him, away from this terrible sight, but she was too weak. 

Then Joker was already in the room in which the guards had kept the personal things of the inmates.  
Careless he dropped Hope onto a chair and searched the wardrobes. What a disturbed man, she thought. He didn’t show any reaction to the corpses outside. No pity, no remorse, that he and his men had slayed them. What a monster!  
Soon he had found what he had been searching. Almost tenderly he caressed the blades of his knives, then he slipped out of the Asylum’s clothing and back into his beloved purple suit. Afterwards he sat down and used the computer, typing eagerly. After some minutes he got up, took the girl and continued his escape. “What did you do?”, she wanted to know. “I freed the others”, he answered shortly.

They left the Asylum though the backdoor, a black van had parked there. They got in and the Joker started driving. Insecurely she looked at him. She just couldn’t assess him properly, he stayed a miracle to her! It was a feeling unknown to her, because usually as a silent witness it was quite easy for her to assess people. It scared her, not to know, what kind of man he really was.  
At some point she broke the silence, “Why did you save me?” “Sweetie”, he stopped the car, “Don’t ever expect to get a reason for anything I do or don’t do. Oh, and by the way, we’re there.” A very unsatisfactory answer. Hope was not calmed down in any way. He had not said a word about where “there” was or what they would do here. She sighed. What had she gotten herself into?


	7. A rude clown

Hope got out of the car. They were somewhere in the middle of an industrial area on a huge and barely lightened parking lot of a warehouse or maybe a factory. Joker was walking towards the building in a quick pace and she followed him, but was still quite weakened and couldn’t keep up with him. Hope stopped abruptly: Did she even want to follow him? What if she fled as long as she still could? But given her current status, it didn’t seem a good idea, Joker probably would’ve already shot her before, she’d been able to leave the place.

So she continued her way, the door shut behind the Joker and as Hope reached the building, she couldn’t see him anywhere. The lights inside of the warehouse were flickering. She walked around, there was nothing of interest here and no sign of the clown. “J?”, she called out for him and her voice echoed through the hall. 

All of a sudden something dropped right next to her with a loud bang. Hope shrieked. She looked up. On some kind of attic she could see the clown. He was pushing some dusty old boxes aside and one of them had fallen down. “You wanna kill me or what?! I almost had a heart attack!”, she shouted and then followed him upstairs. No answer was given. No excuse, no sassy grin. She punched J in the side. He turned around and took her face into his hands, put a knife next to her cheek and said “For every time you punch me or kick me or whatever, I’ll give you a nice little reminder, that I don’t like being punched” in a menacing voice. Then he caressed her cheek almost softly and added, “Don’t you think, you had any special rights just because I didn’t let you bleed out like a pig”. Then he got back to work.

Hope just stood there. She was very puzzled and also somewhat scared. She wanted to leave. Would he even try to stop her from leaving? It didn’t seem like he was enjoying the company. But who did? She sighed.

Behind the boxes there was a bed. It was just as old and just as dusty as the boxes, but what had she expected? That the Joker spent most of his time in luxurious hotels although he was a wanted criminal? He blew away the Dust, Hope coughed. “There it is”, he shouted and clapped his hands “Stop looking like a beaten puppy! I got us a bed!” He grinned amusedly. Hope looked at him with insecurity in her eyes. Accepting Joker’s help to get out of Arkham was one thing, but sleeping in a bed with him was quite another! “If this doesn’t fit your requirements – I guess the floor surely also is quite cozy. Or don’t you want to sleep in one bed with me?”, he pretended to be offended and pouted.  
Hope was incredibly tired and exhausted – no wonder after a night like this. So she guessed she actually could sleep in one bed with him in this case. She took off her shoes and laid down.  
“One doesn’t sleep with their clothes on”, Joker grumbled and grinned. Hope gave him the finger and turned away. Just sleep…   
He walked around the bed into her sight, “How impolite!”. Then he took off his clothes. Hope wasn’t sure at all if she rather wanted to sleep on the floor than in one bed with a naked clown. Especially because she’d never been anywhere near a somewhat naked man. At least J didn’t have the reputation to be a rapist. Calmly she yawned.  
J could feel her insecurity and got really close to her. Hope addressed this issue and he responded that the blanket and pillow weren’t made for two people and she got a feeling that he was getting too close to her on purpose to intimidate her. Indeed he was a handsome man, one couldn’t deny it: J was tall, muscular and apart from his smeared make up also sleek. 

 

As she awakened, J was already up. He was on the phone with someone and talking in a loud voice. After he had finished the phone call, she gave him a reproachful look, “You woke me up”. “I’m sorry, my love, but its already past noon. You’ve slept for an eternity and I couldn’t wait any longer”, he stroke her ruffled hair. She pushed away his hand and got up.  
There must be a bathroom or anything similar somewhere. After a short time, she found it. One could see that this room too also hadn’t been used in a while, it was just as dusty as everything else and the shower curtain seemed moldy, but it would do. Hope took the curtain off carefully and took a look at her wounds. There was still some dried blood on her arms being washed away by the water. The wounds were stinging.

Suddenly the door was pulled open, “Don’t be startled!”. Hope winced and was startled. In panic she somehow tried to cover herself and regretted to have taken off the curtain. The clown was standing at the door and giving her a dirty smile. “I thought you might like some new clothes…” He licked his lips and showed her a pile of clothes. “Are you mad?!”, the girl shouted at him, “Have you never heard of something like privacy?!” If she hadn’t needed her hands to cover her naked body, he’d gotten a slap in the face!  
He smiled at her, “Aren’t you happy? I can take them with me again if you want – but I must say, Frost has an excellent taste!” He pulled out a purple string with a matching bra. “Shut up!”, she said and got out of the shower. Then she slipped on the wet floor, but J caught her. Hope’s face turned red because she was so ashamed. “Cute”, Joker said “You needn’t be ashamed – you’re a pretty girl.” Predatory he examined what he had caught and only after he’d finished his examination he released her. Hope slapped him as soon as he let go of her, he stumbled backwards and she shut the door.

The girl looked into the small bathroom mirror. She’d never thought about, if anyone could find her attractive, because nobody had been interested in her either way. But J was right: Except for the scars she was a pretty girl. Her breasts weren’t too small, her waistline not too big. She had long brown hair with some curls and her eyes were surrounded by long black eyelashes, which most girls would envy her for – if they wouldn’t despise her for other reasons.  
Still, Hope didn’t like the way she looked, the scars on her arms and legs disrupted the image and every tiny flaw seemed like something she could be laughed at and be made fun of for. The more she was ashamed that the Joker had seen her naked.  
She looked at the clothes he put next to the sink: sexy purple underwear, a green shirt and a purple pair of jeans. With the shake of her head she took another moment to regain some strength before putting on the clothes and leaving the bathroom.


	8. Memories

The Joker was talking to a man in a quiet voice. Must be that guy he mentioned, Frost, Hope thought. What were they talking about? She tried to understand what they were saying, but she had to get closer to hear more than just a few words. The girl needed to know, what the Joker was planning on doing, she wouldn’t follow him again without knowing where they were going and why! But as she got closer, the man said goodbye and left.  
“Ready for you next adventure, Sweetie?”, he grinned. She shook her head and asked, “What’s your plan?”. “Hmm…”, it seemed like he was thinking, as if he didn’t know himself what his plan was, “I’m going to make you an offer today. I’m going to make you an offer you can’t refuse”, he laughed. The image suited him, he was quite alike the godfather. Gotham’s Clown Prince of Crime had many men on his side and nobody really could tell where he had a finger in the pie. Was it a coincidence that he used exactly these words? Was J interested in such seemingly irrelevant things as movies? Hope sighed, she’d already guessed that she wouldn’t get a real answer.

Mr J lead her to a car. It was a different car than the one they had used for their escape form the Asylum, this car was much smaller and more ordinary. The girl was restless and had trouble to hide her emotions. She tapped her foot and turned on the radio, which J turned off with an annoyed look after a short while. She just couldn’t stand the uncertainty! Metaphorically speaking she wanted to hold a gun to his head and force him, to tell her their where they were headed! But she knew it was pointless. She wouldn’t get any word out of him, except for some jokes about herself. Waiting was her only option and it was making her go crazy! They were driving though industrial areas and business districts, through areas with neat houses and big gardens and areas with run-down huts. Did they even have a destination or was he giving her the runaround?  
Then the city started to look familiar, Hope knew where they were. She thought about jumping out of the car and trying to flee. But where? She shook her head, what a dumb idea! Mr J surely wouldn’t like it and if he wanted something from her, he’d easily find her in his city. Alone, without a home, without protection. He would find her and he would use her for his purposes – if she wanted it or not. She needed to play along, if she wanted to get out of here unharmed. Even if the stake for this game was her life, she didn’t have a choice. At least that’s what she was talking herself into believing. Everyone with some sanity left, would already have tried to flee, hoping to escape against expectations and being able to forget this incident. Fear wasn’t the real reason, why Hope stayed with the Joker. She felt like she owed him something. In the end he had saved her life and he had been there for her in an hour of need – like a friend.  
Maybe he wasn’t that bad after all? She could not deny that she liked him. In a strange way she liked the murderous clown.

 

Hope hadn’t realized that they had reached their destination. Mr J was watching her. For how long had he been watching her? For how long had he been staring at her with this dirty smile of his? It gave her a chill. Did she actually just think that she liked him? The scary guy with the scars in his mouth corner, who was staring at her as if he was about to eat her with the greatest pleasure?   
He broke the silence, “I know what you’re thinking, Pumpkin.” She ignored the bad feeling in her stomach and answered snottily, “No way!” He chuckled. “So you did not think about your feelings concerning me.” For a moment, she was surprised and lost her countenance. Could he read in her thoughts? No, it was impossible. She must’ve been staring at him for him to make such a good guess. She decided to ignore his teasing and looked out of the window. The car was parked right at the entrance of her old high school. Not a place of good memories. Why did he take her here? Did he want to humiliate her too? 

They got out of the car and the Joker entered an abandoned building across the street. Sullenly she followed him. Although there was sign saying that this house was in danger of collapsing, they got up on the roof of the building. The Joker noticed her critical look, “You’ll be fine as long as you’re with me, Sweetheart.” Patronizing, arrogant – empathetic, protective. This guy was making her go crazy! How could he be an asshole AND a friend in just one sentence?!  
He gave her a pair of binoculars, she took it and looked through – what did he want to show her? There! A couple of cheerleaders, some teachers on the school yard, a few girls, whose names she had already forgotten, some boys from her year. She knew them! One of them was missing, there were only three. They were standing next to the football-field. Everything was still the same, just like she’d never left, because of her attempted suicide. Everything was still like this was her school that she’d go to every day.  
Memories found their way back into her thoughts. It had been these boys. In the changing room after some sports. She could not think of it, did not want to think of it, everything came back, every emotion she had felt. The disgust and helplessness, the pain and humiliation was present, as if it had happened just a few moments ago. Why did he take her here? Did he know what he was doing to her by taking her here and showing her this? Tears rolled down her face and the Joker didn’t seem surprised. How could he know about it?! She thought about leaving, just leaving this place, this man who was bringing up old memories, she did not want to be reminded of! She looked down the roof, just three steps and…   
Before she was able to make the first step, the Joker had taken her and pulled her away from the edge. “I did not save you to be in mischief now!”, he whispered. She wanted to protect herself from him, push him away from her, but he was too strong. Struggling wasn’t helping, she was defenseless again. He was still holding the binoculars for her without loosening his grip. She turned her head away, no more memories would be evoked by this view! “Look!”, the Joker demanded, “Look at it right now!”. His voice sounded threatening, so she carefully opened her eyes. What was he doing? Some kind of shock therapy?

Then she could make out two figures on the other roof. There were man with the mask of a clown and a boy. The fourth boy. He had a noose around his neck. A few steps to the edge of the roof, a short fall and the boy was history. Hope screeched in panic. The Joker let go of her. “You monster!”, she yelled, “Why did you do it?!” Unimpressed by her screaming the Joker allowed her to rampage. “You know, why he had to die”, he said as her voice was slowly fading from screaming at him, “And you watched, just like I did. You allowed it to happen, because deep down, you wanted him to die. You know that he deserved it and you don’t feel grief, nor empathy for him.” The worst thing about his words was that he was absolutely right. She had watched him die and she hadn’t done anything. The Joker had done it because of her – or maybe even for her, to give her peace? – and she hadn’t done anything to stop him from doing so. She hadn’t called out for him to stop. And she didn’t feel grief, but a huge relief about the death of this boy.


	9. The offer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd be really glad to get some feedback, so don't be shy, write comments! :)

The girl broke down on the roof. Her relief didn’t matter, it just wasn’t right. Someone died, because of her. He hadn’t been innocent, but did he really deserve death? The clown interrupted her thoughts, “No time to contemplate, sweet toots, the police will be here soon – I ain’t keen on being spotted here, after all I’m here in a private matter.” He took her hand and helped her up. They left the building and the girl followed him in an apathetical state of mind.   
In the car Joker told her something, but she wasn’t listening. She was just seeing the boy fall in her head. Would she have been able to prevent his death? Would the Joker have commanded his minion to stop, if she had asked for it? They got out of the car and went back into the warehouse, set onto a small table. Was this the right way to have vengeance? If she had gone to the police back then – would the boy still be alive? Would that have been just?

Suddenly, she felt a knife at her throat, cutting her skin just a little bit. Joker heard her moan quietly. He loved it! A few drops of blood flowed out of the small wound and colored her green shirt red. The girl returned to reality. Joker pulled back the knife and thrust it into the wooden table with a fierce look on his face. “Do I have your attention now?”, he screwed up his face, not in an impish way like he had before, but he made an ugly grimace which showed off his scars, “I truly dislike it, when people don’t listen to me!”. He almost shouted the last words, pointing at her throat, he added, “Next time I won’t be this merciful”.   
Still somewhat lost in apathy the girl just sat there, unable to cope with the situation. Joker had hoped for some more reaction, anything, fear or maybe another rage. Usually such things had an effect on people. But the missing reaction didn’t matter to him, as long as she listened to him, because he had something important to tell her…

Taken aback Hope sat on the uncomfortable chair and only awakened slowly from her stiffness. She palpated the cut, looked at her red fingers. The clown started talking, “As I said before… I want to make you an offer…” What was this guy presuming to do?! She wasn’t just any toy he could do to whatever he wanted! Hope didn’t want to be treated in this unpredictable way. Without a word she got up and walked to the door.  
Joker just stared at her. How did she dare…?! Nobody walked out on him while he was talking without punishment! NOBODY! Yet, he could not deny that this reaction only made him more interested in Hope. She wasn’t allowed to leave now, he had so many things in mind for her.  
As she reached the door, she looked back, saw something flash and fly towards her very fast. The goddamn clown had thrown his knife at her! Against any logic, she did not open the door to flee, but ran towards him and knocked him down. “You can’t just throw knives at me, J!”, her voice was trembling. It was all too much for her. The ambivalent feelings for J, the murder of the boy, the memories of her time at school were too much. J lifted his hands like saying sorry, but had a naughty grin on his face. The little one was pure fun to him. That was why she needed to stay at any cost. “Obviously I can”, he replied. Helpless the girl sat on him and thought about punching him again. But even without a weapon, J was still in advantage. She’d never be able to beat him, unless he wanted her to. “Friend or foe? Who are you?”, she asked.  
J started laughing. Somehow his laughter was in spite of the current situation very contagious, Hope tried to suppress her own urge to giggle. But her giggle only became loud laughter and tears were rolling down her cheeks again, only this time they were tears of joy. Was she finally going insane? It just felt good, to feel the tension leave her body, to laugh until it had gone, no matter how crazy it might be to laugh in this situation.

Slowly she calmed down, while J watched her with fascination. Silently they looked at each other. The girl felt uncomfortable, because of Mr. J’s penetrating look. With red cheeks she got off of him and sat back on her chair, “Well… you… uh… wanted to tell me something?” Joker got up and walked around her, he suddenly seemed menacingly tall. Hope felt small on her chair and a little intimidated too. The questions were back inside her head: What was his plan? Could he be trusted? Now she might get some insight into the answers to those questions. Hopefully.   
He stopped behind her, put his hands onto her shoulders and started to speak, “Little Hope, our ways mustn’t part after Arkham. I… uh”, he paused, seemed to think about something. She turned around and her eyes got caught on his lips, his beautifully red lips. Where did this thought come from? Why were her thoughts drifting to Mr. J’s attractiveness? She wasn’t allowed to lose focus, J wouldn’t like it. “I think you should stay with me”, he looked at her with his piercing eyes. J licked his lips again and continued, “I see a lot of potential in you, little one. Take your time to make your decision. I think I have showed you today, what it can be like to be with me, what it would mean for you to join me.” He smiled knowingly. She didn’t have any other choice than to stay with him. Without his protection a life on the streets awaited the little one – or maybe even another stay at Arkham.  
Again, it wasn’t any answer to her questions, but it was nice to know that he wouldn’t kick her out tomorrow. But she would need to know, if J was to be trusted, before accepting his offer. Maybe she would get an opportunity to ask one of his minions what he was like as a boss.

Hope got up and looked at the floor insecurely. “Thank you for the offer, Mr. J. I…”, she starred at his lips again. “You…?”, he asked expectantly. “I’ll think about it”, she mumbled. “No joy? No yes, J, thank you?”, he teased her, “Why not?” Embarrassed she looked at her feet. “Look at me when I’m talking to you, little one”, Mr J commanded and lifted her chin with his hand, “Answer me.” Did he not show her, what he had to offer her? Hope looked at him, unable to turn away, unable to push away his hand from her chin. Usually she could easily control herself, what was wrong with her now? Why did a psychopathic clown baffle her this much? She stuttered, “I… I don’t know if I can…” “I you can what?” “Like… commit crimes… kill people…” She felt so small when he gave her that look, she almost expected him to laugh at her. “Don’t you think, I can assess a little better than you, who has the potential to join me?” “I don’t know, if I want to stay with you. It’s so strange…”, she stopped talking. She didn’t want to tell him about the way she felt. “What’s so strange?” She felt like being interrogated and it was basically impossible for her not to answer his questions. It was undeniable that there was something between these two characters. He was the only one in an eternity who had made her laugh, who had cared about her when she hadn’t been alright. She gulped and got it over with. “My… My feelings towards you are strange.” The tension was almost impossible to bare.  
Joker couldn’t like her, especially not like this. He could like her as a potential criminal or as a toy for having a good time, but not as a friend. They were too different: She was young, innocent, but broken. He was much older, a murderer, a psychopath and probably not even able to have friendly feelings towards someone or even be in love with someone! Hope finally was able to turn her face away from him, but not her heart. 

He had interpreted the way she looked at him just right. This was more than just a community of purpose to her. He wanted her. Fuck it! Quickly Mr J walked up to her, pushed her against the wall and put his red lips on hers.


	10. Little Game

Hopes eyes widened in fear as Mr. J came towards her and pressed her against the wall. She expected him to hurt her or do something to her. She would have expected anything, but a kiss. She enjoyed kissing him maybe a little too much, because she longed for affection, which she hadn’t felt in a long time. Mr. J licked her lips and his tongue found its way into her mouth. It felt incredibly good for both of them. Until now they had only ignored that there was something between them, but now the tension unloaded in a passionate kiss.

As they moved apart, the quick-witted girl was left speechless. She longed to be near J, but didn’t dare to say anything, fearing to make a mistake. Silently they dwelled on their thoughts until Hope couldn’t stop herself any longer and tried to snuggle up to Mr. J, which was too much for him. He pushed her away and said in a harsh voice, “This should not have happened!” He ran his fingers through his hair and started walking up and down the room. Hope watched him, it wasn’t really what he had said, but how he said it, which had hurt her feelings. The girl did know that such a relationship would be all kinds of wrong, but she did like Mr. J and she could not deny that she wanted more. She longed for more affection and had been pushed away again.  
But it didn’t take her long to become her old self again, she got into Joker’s way and tried to force him to talk, “Why are you acting this way? You’re the one, who started kissing in the first place and now you push me away! It’s not fair to play with my feelings this way!” J’s mimics changed, first there was anger that she dared walking up to him like this, then there was pride that she confronted him and then he got back control over his emotions. “I’m playing with whom or what I want”, he grinned dirtily. Angrily Hope looked at him. Again, his facial expression changed, he seemed to quarrel with himself. Almost excusing he looked down on her, “I should not have done that, little one. You’re not gonna cope.”  
He was talking in riddles, Hope didn’t know what she wouldn’t cope with in J’s opinion. Sex? Intimacy? Yes, that was new to her, but she at least felt old enough to sleep with someone and so she replied, “Even if you don’t wanna believe it, J, but I’m not a kid anymore! I can decide just as good as anyone else with whom I want to sleep!” “Pumpkin…”, J lifted her chin carefully with his gloved hand and caressed her cheek “You don’t even dare to call it by name. It’s called sex.” Frustrated Hope growled and threw angry looks at him before replying, “Then call it sex! Same thing! Just because I’m not of age yet, doesn’t mean that I couldn’t decide over such things!”  
Again, Mr. J walked through the room restlessly, but then came back to Hope and gave her some kind of an answer, “I don’t just want sex.” The girl looked up to him confusedly. What did he mean? She asked again, “Well then what do you want? A relationship? Love?” The Joker laughed for a moment and then looked at her for what felt like ages, “I don’t just want love or sex, you cannot give me what I want, Pumpkin. It was a mistake to show you, that I also like you in other ways.” “J, at least let me try. Just because you think, I can’t, doesn’t mean I can’t do something”, Hope looked at him, bound by his intense look. She didn’t even know what she was actually saying.

For a long while he just stared at her and his intense stare made Hope almost feel naked. Finally he grabbed her and put the knife next to her throat. Hope screeched, startled by this sudden change of heart. “Take off your clothes, sweet Pumpkin…”, he purred into her ear. This girl hesitated and he cut her skin just a tiny bit, “I don’t like waiting, little one…” Slowly she started to undress, while he was watching her closely and walking around her like a predator lurking around his bait. As she stood there naked in front of him, he softly caressed her breasts with his knife. The soft touch aroused her, that he could see by her hardening nipples. Gently he started explaining, “I truly dislike romantic vanilla sex. If I have sex with someone, only what I want counts, only my rules count. And this is only a little taste of what I like”, he smirked and pinched her nipples, “I can see you like it too…” He laughed again. Hope felt unmasked, humiliated, scared and helpless, but also – just like the clown had said – aroused.

Mr. J continued, “It’s up to you, if I continue. But as soon as you have consented, there’s not going to be any ‘I don’t want to’ or ‘Stop it, J’. Then, I am going to do everything I feel like doing to you, whenever and wherever I like.” He came closer towards her and whispered in her ear, “Would you like that?” Tenderly he touched the skin he had cut with his knife before and Hope moaned softly. Just like in ecstasy the words came out of her mouth, not really thought through, controlled by her desire to get more, she moaned, “Yes, please”.

Again, he looked at her, enjoying the moment, enjoying the power he had over her. He did know indeed, that her words weren’t real consent. He knew that her lust was saying these words and that she could not assess what she was getting herself into at all. But he only liked the situation more this way. Someone like Hope would be at least a little challenging to him – of course not physically, but it would take him time and strength to take in possession of her. A strong-willed and snappy girl would be a lot more fun to him than all the crazy whores who offered themselves to him as soon as he entered one of his clubs and also a lot more fun than the hysterical bitches he took with him from time to time from his raids. This young girl appealed more to him than all of the women before her altogether did.  
Actually her sweet and naïve lack of knowledge only made his game more thrilling, but a small part of the Joker didn’t want to take advantage of the situation. It was undoubtedly immoral. Did he care this much about her that he suddenly bothered about moral?

He sat down on a dusty old armchair and overthought things. Hope was still standing in front of him, naked, looking at him pleadingly. She had goose bumps, because it was quite cold in the old warehouse. Almost in passing he told her to come over and sit on his lap. Lost in thought, he caressed her head as if she was his pet. The Joker felt how she snuggled up to him and enjoyed how warm his body was. “Sweetie”, he addressed her and she raised her eyes to him. She seemed so very different than before, naked on his lap, almost shy, ashamed, but also more relaxed than he had ever seen her before. Maybe this was the right thing for her, maybe she would learn, to trust him. Softly he touched her hips and told her what his decision was, “I’m not a rapist. As relaxed as you may sit on my lap now, as much would you fight and cry and break, if I just fucked you the way I want to. Even I do have my principles, Pumpkin, and I don’t rape little girls, nor do I take advantage of their unknowingness.” She interrupted him, “Does that mean you’re not gonna do anything more to me? Can’t you teach me, what you think I needed to know?” “It’s rude to interrupt people, kitten”, he playfully hit her butt, “We could try it for a week. I’ll keep myself in control for this time. If you’re a good girl, you may stay with Daddy…”  
Hope couldn’t suppress a laugh, as the Joker called himself Daddy. It had been too unexpected. That Mr. J liked it rough had been obvious even after the way he had treated her since they had met. But this was just too funny and she considered the name as incredibly unfit and almost ridiculous.

Even before the girl was able to realize what was happening, the man had grabbed her by the throat and pressed her against the cold, dirty floor of the warehouse. Her laughter faded and she gasped for air. He squeezed just hard enough to stop her from laughing, but not enough to leave any marks on her neck or hurt her seriously. “I’ll teach you some manners, Pumpkin”, he grinned, “You’ll have to accept my rules and the names I choose. Unless, you don’t wanna play this little game anymore…”


End file.
